Thursday, August 12, 2010

I am a Legend in My Own Mind...

So, the kids are back to school, and I have made it to the gym all 3 days. Working out is my refuge from the chaos that is my life.
My. Every. Minute. Of. My. Life. I have decided I am a better me when I get to the gym.

I realized something rather interesting today on the elliptical. It followed me during push-ups and weights and remained until I actually ended my excruciating (yet crucial) stair master climb...I am a legend in my own mind.

It starts with my cardio playlist on my itouch. As soon as I start listening to the music, my brain goes somewhere it wishes it could be all the time. And I allow this take over, because it gets me through the intense parts. The parts when my lungs hurt, legs wobble and my towel is so drenched with sweat I don't bother using it anymore.

Today I became aware of the legend I create that is me. All in my head. I know we all have one. It went a little something like this: I want to travel to different parts of the United States and all over the world, and all with different people. Some places by myself. I would love to pull an "Eat Pray Love" role with my life and just take off to where ever I feel would feed my soul. Taking that journey with different people I have met throughout my life would add something spicy and exhilarating to any adventure in its own way.

I would love to be able to throw money at a charter jet and take off with Chloe to Disney World for a few weeks, or until we got our fill of all things Princess. I would pull JJ out of school and take singing lessons with him. We could enroll in art classes together for a year- he has some unbelievable talent at 10 years old. Noah and I would follow all our favorite bands around the world and have front row seats at every concert. He would take guitar lessons from Slash and I would sit back in the studio and listen and smile and marvel at the opportunity. This about 10 minutes in on my cardio.

There would be no need for school or schedules. My children would learn and absorb everything they could possibly need from the experience of living life. There would be no grade to tell them how they measure up. They would feel it deep inside with the confidence and pure love they feel for themselves and humanity.

Any where I went would be perfect. Filled with all the perfect people and experiences for me and my journey. And I would feel that. Every book I picked up would be impossible to put down. And I would never feel as if I had something else to do while I was reading it. All around 25 minutes in.

On my not so hot days, I would close the shutters, pull out a HUGE gallon of Cold Stone peanut butter and chocolate (extra peanut butter) ice cream and watch the whole True Blood series all day. And when that was over, I'd take a nap. The sleep would actually be restful. And when I woke up, I wouldn't have to hurry anywhere, or start dinner. I would feel peaceful and nurtured. I'm pretty tired now, and needing a pick me up about 35 minutes in.

Moving on to my feeling hot days... I would love myself and everything about me so much I would think nothing of saying "Absolutely!" to the modeling agency that wanted to pay me to be their next Top Model. And, by the way, want me to be able to represent them at all the "A" list parties. I have a lot of questions for some of those celebrities, and a lot would probably be answered if I was one. Then I'd meet all the ones I am star struck over. Eminem would fall all over himself to find me across the room and profess his love and passion for me. We would have a long chat- but not so long as to spoil my moment (sometimes I think it might just be better if he didn't say a word, that might ruin everything).

My wardrobe would have everything and anything I could possibly need for all my worldly travels. I would always have great hair days without spending a ton of time on it. I would never need makeup...Yes, among other things, this is my legend. All this positive thinking takes me to the end.

When I allow my brain out of my legend about minute 8 on the stair master and bring my reality back into focus, I feel fresh.

So... note to the guy with the blue bandanna, white shorts and neon green tank top- No I was NOT staring at you or anyone even remotely near you. You are NOT my legend. I would appreciate, as I am sure every women at the gym would, that you leave us alone and stop gawking. Yes women actually work out. And some of us actually like to use the free weights. No, we are not there for you to stare at. We don't need help with anything unless we ask. It can actually come across gross, and quite intrusive.

Stay in your own legend, I shall remain in mine. I can't wait for tomorrow.

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